—— "Back" synchronous composition training
Article 5 of the "Writing" part of the "New Chinese Curriculum Standards for Junior Middle Schools" requires the writing of narratives to be specific. How can we be specific? One of the keys is to let students learn to "do big things." The so-called "big questions and small work" is to make big questions into small articles, choose small incisions, write down people or things, and be realistic. This is also the difficulty of writing teaching in junior high school. How to make things easier? The best shortcut is to learn from the classic chapters of junior high school Chinese textbooks, to explore, understand, and acquire writing skills in reading, and to combine your own writing practice, so that you can get started quickly after repeated training. The "Back View" in the eighth grade of the Soviet Education Edition is a masterpiece of Mr. Zhu Ziqing's reputation in the literary world. It describes specific and trivial life trivialities, simple and vivid emotional details, and uses it to teach students "big problems and small tasks". selected.
1. Feel the unique charm of the author's description of details around the "back view";
2. Select a suitable incision for training, write in a small place, and describe your family relationship;
Exploration of Techniques in the First Hour
1. Read "Back" and explore:
What's so wonderful about the author spreading his story around the "back view"?
2. Discussion and summary:
First, a drop of water sees the sun. Affection is a topic that has always been sung in history. The reason why people are not tired of writing and reading is because the family relationship is not a universal, high, sacred and unpredictable concept that can only make people worship and move the inexplicable concept, but it is a close, trivial, real Visible, tangible pieces. The love of parents and children we each experience has many similarities, but also different stories. These stories can move people, infect people because of their identity, and they can be attractive and shocking because of their differences. . Therefore, there are so many and splendid chapters of affection that have been passed down through the ages. For example, "Back", Mr. Zhu Ziqing carefully intercepted the "Back" to praise his father's love. Four questions before and after, the reality and the reality are dense and dense, can be described as an adequate article; moreover, he focused on depicting his father crossing the railroad, climbing the platform, buying an orange back, and using a drawing method to draw his father to the side of the railway Next platform, how to use the hands and feet to climb the platform over there, and how to difficult to buy oranges to bring back a series of actions, one by one reproduced, can be described as meticulous, tireless. Not only this, but also interspersed with the death of the grandmother, the family's deficit, the gloomy situation, and the father's leisure, written all the way from Beijing, Xuzhou, Nanjing and other places, seemingly write the father's "detour", in fact, focus on expressing his father's Loving, difficult, distressed, loyal, and considerate to his son. Imagine: if there were no such simple details, but just the general description, where did the artistic charm come from?
(Many teaching and guidance books have hints at this point. Students are easier to understand, so they can be summarized based on student discussions.)
Second, the truth is revealed in the abnormal. Generally, when we describe people, we often focus on describing the portraits and expressions of the people. Therefore, there are "painting eyes" and "painting eyes". Why didn't Mr. Zhu Ziqing try to portray his father's face? These can also be used to make a fuss. Intentionally doing the opposite for innovation? Or is it because the father's back is most characteristic? The former is no longer valid for now, let alone be a factor; but the latter is obviously unconvincing. The father's back is very common, so often "mixed into the crowd" he "can't find it anymore." Therefore, the most reasonable explanation should be the opening sentence "I can't forget his back". Why is the most memorable "back" and not the others? Reading the text, it can be seen that Zhu Ziqing, who is in his twenties, and his father are in conflict. From family chores, he often touches his anger. He has treated me gradually differently. But in the past two years, he has forgotten me Vaguely conceivable in sentences such as "bad". Obviously, the affection in Zhu Ziqing's pen is very different from the father-son relationship we usually understand, at least when he was young, he could not fully understand and realize his father's love. Coupled with the adult boy's love for parents is also more implicit, not as exposed as children, especially when leaving, knowing that his father is sad, not to look at his father's expression. Therefore, "the last thing I can't forget" can only be "his back" instead of his face, and using this as an incision is exactly the truth. After understanding this, we will also have a new understanding of the desire for the first in the text: always feel that the father "speaks not beautiful", "his heart laughs at his deviousness" are all because of the contradiction and separation between the father and the son, these are all true Psychological experience, not intentional.
(This is more difficult to grasp. You can arrange rewriting training so that students can try to imagine the image of the father's front from the back and describe the details from another angle. It is not difficult to find by comparison. Only the specific "back" in a specific situation can best be reproduced. This is a complex and delicate emotional world for father and son.
Finally, the father seemed to have negotiated the price with the orange seller. He picked out a large orange, peeled it, and then opened it again, put it in his mouth, and chewed. I could see his sparse beard up and down. Shaking. It took a while for him to reach out to pick oranges with satisfaction, and then took out a few crumpled wool bills from his pocket, counting and counting, and this was for the oranges. So he picked up a bunch of scarlet oranges and turned to look away.
Behind it is a high platform. My father lowered his head, raised his cheeks, and blew vigorously against the floor of the platform. Then he carefully placed the oranges where the dirt was blown off, and then, as before, climbed the edges of the platform with both hands, his body slightly Lean and work hard to lift your legs up. A gust of cold wind blew through, and his father's fat body shivered a few times, and he looked so weak! I can't help but feel sad for a while: the once strong father can never come back! When I looked up again, my father was already bending over to stand on the platform. He slowly straightened his waist, breathed a long breath, slowly lowered himself, and carefully lowered the platform. I saw dust on his teal cotton robe. The father patted the ash on his body, very easily. He picked up the pile of scarlet oranges again, and staggered to the side of the railway. I quickly greeted the past. My father looked up and saw me. He smiled with relief and said, "Stand up, watch out for the car!" As soon as the words fell, he suddenly coughed and his breathing became short. At that moment, I saw that my father's face and hands were red and black, it must have been cold and freezing. Looking at him as if suddenly looking old, my tears shed quickly ...
Second grade (3) Feng Yinghui
It took a while for my father to buy it. He turned around, holding the scarlet orange and looking back. When he reached the platform again, his father paused for a while, as if he felt that he could not cross the unattainable platform in front of him again. But he turned it up bravely! Although stained with ashes, a sweat came out.
When he finally crossed the railroad and stumbled towards me again, a cold wind suddenly passed, and his father seemed to take a nap. He took a few tight steps, accidentally slipping under his feet, choking, and almost fell. I hurried to hit him. He and I went to the car and put oranges on my fur coat. So he took off the black cloth cap and exposed his wet gray hair. The sweat beads with big bean grains were flowing down the messy hair. I discovered for the first time that my father's hair had become thinner like this when I did not know it! The head was completely bald, shiny and shiny, and only two magpies looked like what I remembered, just a little whiter than before. My heart was sore, and tears rushed up all of a sudden, then I quickly lowered my head and found a handkerchief to wipe it for him, but he was reluctant and just smiled, saying, "It doesn't matter, just blow the wind. "After a while, said," I'm gone and I'll write over there. "
The father turned and left. His messy Huafa shivered in the wind, gradually disappearing, and finally disappeared into the crowd and was no longer visible.
I suddenly understood: My father loves me! Otherwise, how could it cost me nine cows and two tigers just to buy me a few oranges?
2nd day (3) Ye Fan
Lesson 2 Synchronized Test Writing
Mr. Lu Xun said that the method of writing is not only in what the author has already written. Everything that is written just shows that it should be written this way, and to really understand the way of writing, it is also necessary to understand how to write. If you do n’t know how to write, you do n’t really know how to write. 1
The technical exploration of "Back Shadow" tells us that from the materials of many fragments, the most emotional point can be selected and described carefully, which is the secret of the composition. This is not only the case for writers, but also for lyric and argumentative thesis. Choosing an entry point, rather than taking a systematic whole, it is better to intercept occasional and fragmented ones. Because the whole material can only give a hazy outline, and the lens of the fragment can leave an unforgettable impression. In short, it is to learn to "do big things and do small things." As for what small fragments are selected, they are also very sophisticated. They must not only be for the novel and unique of the angle. They must be subject to the need for emotional expression. The most impressive one is the most suitable and true.
2. Test writing:
Thoughts: Take the most vivid close-ups and catch typical details. Such as: talking eyes, clever hands, humpback, old lady's three-inch golden lotus, footsteps, white hair ...
Xueyun Ban, 2nd and 3rd Middle School, Shuangdian Town
Grandpa has a belly like Maitreya. Although this belly is not good for Grandpa, it is very good for me.
When I was young, I especially liked sleeping with grandpa. Because I can lie on his soft Buddha belly. That stomach was more comfortable than my little pillow. I could listen to the movement of his stomach with his ears. But it won't be long before this sound will be drowned out by the snoring sound of grandpa, which is even more interesting. Between the breaths and breaths, the grandpa's belly is very rhythmic, sometimes strong, sometimes soft, like Everest is like Turpan Basin for a while. Every night, I enter this dreamland so sweetly.
After growing up, my grandfather's belly was finally unable to bear my growing head. How I miss those days when I fell asleep on my belly. Grandpa then came up with a new trick-"bull me" with his belly. I put my head on his big belly, but his belly was like a sucker, and I couldn't get rid of his control everywhere. Sometimes I know the timing clearly, but grandpa either flashed smartly and made me save, or he tried his best to push the belly of the Buddha back and bounce me back, making my head buzz.
Now, Grandpa's belly is too big to be bigger, otherwise he can't buy clothes to wear. So I have an extra job every day to help my grandpa lose weight-I measure the Buddha belly every day. If there is no reduction, I will pat his belly with the back of my hand and say "Oops, eat more secretly?" , I will flick his belly with my fingers and praise: "Nice and good, keep up the good work!"
My grandpa's belly gave me so much fun, of course, more importantly, it also enhanced the feelings of our grandchildren!
The author carefully intercepted a very interesting little entry point such as "Buddha belly", and selected three related pieces accordingly, writing them one by one in chronological order: Pillowing on the belly of a child when he was a child, and growing up as a "fighting Buddha" Belly ", now help Grandpa to measure Buddha belly to lose weight. In particular, the description of the movements and feelings of the Buddha belly, and the dynamics and feelings of the Buddha belly, are very fresh. Coupled with the lyrical comments at the end of the article, both the grandchildren and grandchildren are affectionate and childlike.
Shuangdian Town, Middle and Second Grade (3)
Speaking of grandmother, all of a sudden I thought of her seemingly endless tears.
Grandma is far away in Heilongjiang. After four years, I returned to my hometown and met my annoying northeast grandma.
When she saw us, it wasn't that I couldn't stop laughing as I expected, but she burst into tears and burst into tears. I hurriedly held my hand again, and patted it again and again, choking, "Wow, grandson-back again!" Tears kept on wiping. It made me look blank and at a loss. I thought to myself, "What's so crying?" People in their 70s, why are they crying like a child?
When she looked up again, she was already busy helping us with our luggage. Although Dad repeatedly discouraged her, she still went in and out with joy, moving this and moving it, completely disregarding those behemoths far exceeding her ability to bear.
After that, I played happily in my hometown for a week without any worries, and she spent a week happily and happily, taking care of our "guests" who returned from afar. Maybe it's because my grandmother took care of it too much. I, a stupid kid who has always been heartless and lungless, felt a little overwhelmed.
At eight in the morning on the eighth day, we were leaving. Grandma got up before four o'clock and was busy cooking for us and packing. When we got into the car, my grandmother held my hand tightly and muttered crying: "Grandson, don't go, stay for a few more days-" She just said this and she cried again Speechless. Looking at her heartbreak, I suddenly felt that my grandmother was no longer the annoying northeast grandma in her memory, and a sense of guilt and self-blame sprang up. When I looked up at her again, two crystalline teardrops were dripping along the grandmother's dried cheeks, and they landed silently on the back of my hand. These tears condensed all my grandmother's love for me. This is a love that I cannot express in words! A warm current surged into my heart from the back of my hand until it flowed through my body. My little man couldn't help but feel sour, and my vision became blurred ...
A few days ago, my grandmother called and must say something to me. Although they were talking about happy topics, a few words had not been said yet, and Grandma's voice was clear and choked. I listened, and faintly saw the grandmother's vicissitudes of face, and the two lines of tears flowing down wantonly. Ugh! I don't know when I can meet her again!
The reason why the author chose to write about her grandmother's "tears" is because this is "I mention my grandmother, and I thought of it all at once", and the reason "I think of her all of a sudden is that she always seems to have endless tears" As far away as Heilongjiang, I could see my own grandson for a few years, and each time I met was so short. It was an old poem: when we meet, it's hard to say no. In this special situation, what else could the grandmother leave the author with more emotional impressions? Therefore, the author's interception of "tears" to recall grandmother is a natural expression of affection. It is not a deliberate compilation, so it reads deeply.
Professor Cheng Qianfan once said: "Beginners without imitation, you must not enter." Imitation is a training form that is the easiest to achieve migration. From imitation to creation is a general rule for learners to master skills. Therefore, training in combination of reading and writing is necessary. Of course, the form of training is diverse. In addition to copywriting, you can also try to continue writing based on your own life experience, or feel after writing and reading. Over time, I will definitely learn more writing tips and use them for me.
Reading and writing are complementary and inseparable wholes. If we can consciously guide students to explore reading in the teaching of each unit around the ingenuity of selecting materials, ideas, ideas, and expressions, we can definitely learn more from them. Ideas and insight into more writing techniques. On this basis, connecting with one's own life, it is easier to let go of thinking, open up ideas, write real, lively, simple and novel masterpieces, and fundamentally enhance the realm of writing.
Junior School of Shuangdian Town, Rudong County, Jiangsu Province 226404
1 Lu Xun's Complete Works of Lu Xun, Volume 6, People's Literature Publishing House, 2005, p. 321.